Endurance Net

You… how many hits can you take?

How far can you bend your head?

How much can you accept?

How long will you not talk?

How long is your stamina net? Is it the same as your tolerance? Because when those around you only see you taking hits, only bowing your head and moving on, they throw more.

How long can you last? Are you breaking out?

To whom; To your mother? To your husband? To your wife? To your child? To whom;

Who is the one who always becomes your pillow, who will accept all your outbursts?

Have you ever wondered if it's worth it to hurt the people who love you because you just didn't want to tie that invisible net of your strength a little higher?

Maybe you should also put NO in your life? Maybe you should start saying it where it's needed? Think… if you always say YES, they don't think you're good, they just think you're a fool!

Words…

There are so many things that I feel inside, that the words struggle to come out of my lips...

But even that seems so difficult right now. Each letter is carved into me, as if fighting with itself. My lips are sealed and my tongue is now tied like a tight knot. I know that if I speak now my words will become nails. My every word will be like a blade that can masterfully cut even the smallest vein.

Even if it's not real...

And yet… there are those words too… You know, the ones that are as soft as a caress. Where you say them to your interlocutor and he feels that you caress him with a soft feather. A razor transformed into a feather.

And that's when you know the words aren't true. How they hide behind rotten smiles and talk sprinkled with fake love.

Those are the moments that really disgust you. Want to shake off those words that stuck to your skin, like leeches. Who fight to suck the blood... your very soul!

But you don't react.

There are also those moments when you are forced to bow your head and accept what is unfolding in front of you. Take part, unwittingly, in this travesty.

You are patient. You grit your teeth.

Inside you know. The moment will come when you will be able to release your emotions. The day will come when you won't have to hold back the words anymore. Where this torrent will finally be released.

You know that then you might be vindicated.

Eternity

I see you. I feel you. I am going to touch you and I am touching the blank. I look around but your form is already gone. A while ago you were here. I could touch you, feel you, hug you, smell you, hear you..

Now emptiness. I am looking at the clouds and searching for your form among their dim light. I still can't realize you're gone. Are you going... on a long trip? On a trip we didn't take together. I wonder how eternity made an appointment for you, and you went to find it. I am looking at your things with my blurry eyes. A hot waterfall rushes out of them, at your every memory. How can I fill the gap?

What is it that I feel every time my mind goes back to you? How can I get out of this vortex that I am feeling every day pulling me more and more? Is there anything emptier than what I feel right now? How is emptiness real if it's not the way I feel it?

How can I go on without you when you promised me, we'd be together forever? How can I proceed? I'll have to learn to walk all over again. Step by step to come back to life as a half unit now.

Who chooses who will do the calculations? Why, since death took them into his hands, did he choose to put division between us? Who decides who will leave or who will be left to suffer?I want to give it a go, tear it all down. What we built together now seems like palaces in the sand. The sand in the hourglass was lost as soon as the last grain fell and with it a life was lost.

I want to come and find you, and maybe it's futile to think about it... but I can't take the pain anymore.

Dedicated to…